I don't make this stuff up!

We are sitting around the table for dinner and Lollie gets up to do something and says that it was too hard- she couldn't open it or lift it... can't remember exactly.



I got up to help her and said, "You just have to use a little elbow grease."



Lollie: "What's that?"



I tried to explain to her that it meant that she would have to use her arm muscles and that people call that "elbow grease."

Boy: "I have armpit grease if I'm working strong with my armpit!"

Round of laughter....

Then the list starts...

"Toe grease"

"Hand Grease"

"Eyeball Grease"

"Leg Grease"

They are laughing and then we hear it......

Lil Crazy Lady: "Butt Grease Me!!!"

Weather man Dad: WE KNOW!!!

End of meal....................

I Just cleaned that!!!

Crazy lady just after cleaning 2 bathrooms and hearing footsteps:
(And I mean seriously crazy clean... I mean remove everything from the bathroom and clean with a toothbrush and scrub the entire toilet with hot sudzy water and wash down the entire cabinet and walls surrounding the toilet and the light switches and door knobs and baseboards (not in that order) and scrubbing the floors on my hands and knees and washing out a bathtub in my master bathroom that I clean more than I use and cleaning out a makeup drawer that was so disgusting it almost made me cry, and finally finding a cleaning product that removes the awful mineral deposits off my sink drains and shower doors and fixtures and realize that it isn't really a green product and using it anyway.)

With a paranoid sound in my voice: "Honey what are you doing?"

Weather man dad: "I'm going to the bathroom.'

Like its an everyday thing... Like I should have assumed... Like its no big deal... Like I shouldn't have even asked.

With a hysterical plea crazy lady protests: But I just cleaned in THERE!!!

Weather man dad in a really non understanding tone: "Well I have to POOP!" (He didn't actually use that phrase... but you get the idea.)

Crazy Lady: "And you definitely can't do THAT in there!!! It still smells clean and then... well then... it.... WON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" almost in tears......

Weather man dad regaining at least a small amount of compassion: "When will it be safe to use the bathroom again?

Crazy Lady in all seriousness: "In 3 or 4 days."

The Year Of Kindness

Walking into the kitchen I say to the family:
"This is the year of kindness."

Lollie: "What did you say?" with her nose all wrinkled in a believable way.

Me: "I said, This is the year of kindness."

Lollie: "I didn't hear you, what did you say?"

Me very much at the top of my voice: "I SAID THIS IS THE YEAR OF KINDNESS"

Lollie: "Well you didn't sound very kind just now"

I can play her game... I said: "I'm just giving the warning... it starts in 2008."

What does sober mean to you?

We were in the kitchen talking about our wedding and weather man dad says: "And I was even sober!"

Lollie (10) spouts out: "Wow, that's amazing!"

She's trying out sarcasm and everynow and then she gets it just right... but this surprised us a bit. I said: "Do you even know what sober means?"

Lollie: "Yes."

Me: "What does it mean then?"

Lollie: "Serious."

I thought we were going to die laughing... she used her sarcasm very well if I don't say so myself.

How can you argue with THAT!!!

Location: Joann's

Me: "Lollie and Martha, Could you walk around that side of the aisle and watch Lil Crazy Lady."

Martha: "Lil Crazy Lady, I think your mom wants you to come over to the cart."

Lil Crazy Lady: "No boss me!"

Martha: "I'm not your boss?"

Lil Crazy Lady: "Yes!"

Martha: "Who is your boss then?"

Lil Crazy Lady: "Jesus!"

All right then!

Language Development

As we are riding in the elevator to get to the Paramount Theater, l'il Crazy Lady belts out:
"Look, penquins!"

We looked.... and yes... there they were.....

Pigeons.


The words are coming.....



Later the same day...
From the bathroom....same child, "Mere.....Mere please." translation=Come here please
I go to the door.
"More napkins."

ahhh yes.... we were out of toilet paper.
Never mind we almost never buy napkins so why she substituted napkins for toilet paper was a mystery to me.....nonetheless. cute.

Funny Mommy

Boy: (Pointing to the baby bathtub hanging in the upstairs shower): Why is this hanging here?
Me: That is where we keep the baby bathtub.
Boy: Why?
Me: So that we can use it if we need it.
Boy: Who would need it?
Me: A baby.
Boy: What baby?
Me: Any baby.
Boy: Like if a baby was at our house.
Me: Sure if a baby was at our house, his mom could use it for the baby.
Boy: But we aren't going to have a baby at our house are we?
Me: I don't know, maybe.
Me: Maybe it would be for a baby that we would have.
Boy: Us? (Sounding surprised) You're funny mommy.
Me: Don't you like babies?
Boy: Well sure... but.... you're funny mommy.

Like it would be totally funny to have another baby....
(No I'm not pregnant) But seriously... why does he think this is soooo funny?